Im going to get a little out of order but i figured id just say this shit while it was on my mind. this past weekend, i was in the Netherlands. Now, i will get to what a great and interesting place it was, but first i would like to share a realization that i had. the struggling college student stigma. its there, everyone knows it, and, until a few days ago, i didnt realize why its so frustrating to be a part of. The reason this stigma is so frustrating is because of the sort purgatory that the college student finds himself in. My maturity beyond that of an adolescent or a late teen, i have a taste for the fruits of an adult life. Wine, good Food, nice drinks bought out at bars, nice clothes, maybe even suits and ties and things that you cannot even buy new w.o dropping a fair amount of bread. These things are all things that i should want. I can no long b satisfied with eating McDonalds, drinking out of a bottle of cheap ass bacardi gold on some steps or in a playground. I would like to be able to go out and buy drinks and not worry about it. I would like to be able to go to a decent restaurant and order a glass of milk if i want to and not worry abt the money that would put me over my budget. The struggle causes a constant calculation of expenses. did i spend this, how much did i spend today. It makes me sick. The problem for me is that money, in and of itself, is not important to me. In my mind, it comes, it goes, but there is really no point in holding on to it because even if u do, it might leave you, some how some way. So, we are caught btw our adult desires and what you might ask. But of course, the adolescent budget that we have in our pockets. the budget that causes this calculation to occur. We dont have good jobs by design, because we are in school. this is the sentiment, i feel, that makes people want to leave school. not because school is so bad, but because there are all these things that are outside of a students budget that the student wants and thinks that they can get once they leave and expand that budget.
With all this being said, i feel as if this struggle, as well as all struggle, is probably good for me. I will have the “middle class mentality”, the “immigrant mentality” as Obama put it in his speech on race. I will think that no one gave me a thing and what i have is of my own creation. With that comes a true appreciation for the wine you drink or the food you eat, which is key. At the same time, one must b aware of those who helped along the way. but not taking what you have for granted is important. As i sit here, and tell of the mental juxtaposition between my budget and my desires, i still kno that im in a great position, so privileged, especially coming from my background. I live everyday on another mans dollar (or euro) all because there is some sort of potential that people see in me, and think is worth investing in. I guess im left with the responsibility to succeed because of the sacrifice of others on my behalf, and because of those, younger than me, that look to me for guidance.
But, with all this being said, i still wish my budget and my wants coincided a bit better.
…. and u still look ballin when u have ur rent money in front of u…. im way past green, im on that orange and blue HA
